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Worship in Wonder


BBQ Burgers were on the grill, iced tea was on the table, and the deep warmth of the sun could be felt through the umbrella – a picture-perfect summer afternoon. Gathered on our back deck for a late lunch, Missy and I tossed light conversation while Presley rode her tricycle around our ankles. Macy sat at the glass-top table jotting through a worksheet from her Sunday morning class. She soon sat up to ask me how a particular joke went.

“Daddy, why didn’t Cinderella like basketball again?”

“Cinderella didn’t play for the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.”

“Oh that’s right!” she laughed.

I leaned toward her and scanned the page, reading through her worksheet. The question just before the joke caught my eye.

“If you could ask God any question right now about anything, what would you ask?”

My goodness. Deep question for a 2nd Grader. I’d ask Him why our car keeps needing repairs. I’d ask Him why He seems to be avoiding eye contact when I ask Him for His will for my life. I’d ask Him why our country is tearing at the seams. I’d ask Him why people suck. I’d ask Him why He seems so far away. I’d ask Him wh….

“Sorry honey, what’s that?”

Wow. I couldn’t believe I got so carried away. I’m angrier than I realized. I’m angry at God. I’m not trusting He’s good. I’m a freaking worship pastor and literally just finished leading His Bride in worshipping Him on this fine Sunday morning!!

There’s an underlying anger in me lately. The elements of life have taken their toll. Wounds have healed, but I find that I flinch when relationships want to go deeper. I guard when others want to spend more time together. I don’t trust them. I blame Him.

When I snapped out of my silent rage, I read the question again:

“If you could ask God any question right now about anything, what would you ask?”

Nothing in all the world could’ve prepared me for her answer.

“What is your favorite color, God?”

….

……..

I lost it. I fell apart. I cried like a baby and hugged her sweet head.

God, forgive me.

At the mere opportunity to express a petition before the Almighty, I seize my reasons and roll out my ledger of how I feel He’s failed me. I demand He answer for falling short of my expectations. I taunt Him by calling Him to flex and prove Himself.

Each and every question that spewed from my whore of a heart was incriminating and completely obsessed, thinking of nothing but Matthew Ouellette.

Macy’s question though… her question thought of nothing but Him.

I immediately pictured Jesus with Macy on His knee saying,
“The Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.

Such innocence can melt a frozen heart. Such innocence teaches a worship pastor how to worship. So rather than diving further into my heart and its anger, where it comes from, who it’s really toward and how devastating it is… I’d rather dive into Macy’s heart.

To sincerely worship in wonder: God, what is your favorite color? Have I ever seen this color before? Is it one You’ve not yet unveiled? Is it bold or soft? Is it bright or deep? Is it common or rare? Did You lather it on Creation or reserve it for special occasions? Does it excite You or calm You? Have you named it? What do You love most about it? 

 

 

 

cover photo: travelandleisure.com